Something I see so starkly in the industry, in the town I work in, is lonely men.

As a bar-tender, you expect this: when I was younger(so young, shit. I’ve been behind a bar for the better part of 10 years) I was aware that loneliness was what I was seeing, manifested in so many different actions. It feels somehow different here is Silicon Valley. Wether it’s my own  emotional awareness or genuinely different in the area I work and live, I don’t know. I’m working right now, and I don’t have the time to mentally unpack this all with you.

I’m lacking the emotional energy to engage the way I once did. I don’t let them  graze my hands over and over in a way that’s supposedly “accidental” but never is, I don’t work so hard to decipher the stilted or awkward way they sometimes speak to me, and I mostly just take things easier. I judge less.

What gets me, is that the men I see come in seem desperate to connect, but more than that, they try to touch base with each-other about something that isn’t work. They sit down as strangers at the bar and drink wine on lunch-breaks and start off talking about various jobs in high tech: The conversation spreads its wings out from there, until one of these men gets overzealous (i guess?) and suggests lunch or something along those lines and the metaphorical friendship/conversation  bird-metaphor gets shot out of the sky by something . I watch that happen a few times a week.  Most of these men are likely brilliant in their fields: they come from Linkdin, Google, Ericcson, Yahoo, Surveymonkey , whatever. They Just all seem nomadic and alone.  I worry about this in my partner; He’s a kind one, but he’s lofty. he needs to be pulled out of the space behind his eyes, and bound the remembrance that he’s an equal part of humanity. His field seems Isolating and I worry about that maybe more than I should. I don’t want to see him pressed down like so many others.

So, yes. Lonely men. Isolated men. I can Hypothesize on why this is, but I don’t have time  now, as I said.

There are lonely women, but The women I see come in groups , likely to  hide whatever sadness might be there.

I’m lonely , but I was born that way, seemingly in-between the Here and the There in a way I don’t fully understand myself.

This seems like loneliness-via-occupational-hazard that I’m observing:  I’m wrapping this up and and my workday at the same time. My bar is now full of Kate Spade-clad types, grouped in 3’s and the couples will start showing up about 6.

That’s my observation for the day. Make what you want to out of it.

 

 

 

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