Rain’s pouring out of the sky and reminding me of gray cities with bridges for backbones. I’m at work, sitting at the little square table 5 rows from the door that I occupy when there’s nothing to do and no one to serve: There’s a cornucopia of things I want to do for the enrichment of my own personal brain, but I keep getting distracted.
I came to some realizations about things and myself this past month, so here they are in no real order or importance.
1.I’d like to genuinely be all the good things I aspire eventually to be, rather than just be perceived as being them. I’m far being the full person I’d like to grow into, in experience and spirituality. I’m hungry and ready to be filled. When I was younger, I spent time planning out what I’d like to do and be. Time goes so much faster now.
3. My heart is soft and uncallused somehow, but nothing horrifies me anymore.Nothing human feels alien.
4. I need the frivolous things that bring me joy when the world shows more of its dark side. I’m not ashamed of my frou-frou. I like fashion and makeup and weird architecture and being in places that are beautiful to me.I despise “common” and I plan to continue to rebel against it in the most beautiful way I can think of.
I know this is disjointed. I started writing yesterday and got busy half-way through because life interrupted. I’m publishing the shit I write even if it’s terriblah , because that’s the deal I made with myself. Sorry about yer eyeballs, friend.