I used to be a teenage edgelord

A few days ago, when I was young and innocent and didn’t know that the Sarahha app was trying to just get permission to steal of  all our address books, I got a message through there from Jared, asking me when I was going to write again.
The answer to that is now.

While  thinking about Jareds in general, I realize that I know a pair of them. 

I know band Jared and I knows Zahzen Jared. 

  1. Further introspection lead me to the realization that both Jareds  are Band Jared. 

Portland Band Jared might also be zen Jared. I dunno yer life like that, Portland Jared. 

You guys would probably dig each other. You’re both friendly, rad, and dare I say, mildly depressive guys.

In the past month I become increasingly bored of my life. It’s taking a lot of examination to leave me to the conclusion that one of the reasons I’m bored is because I quit drinking. I’m basically having to relearn how to be the person that I am without alcohol. It’s harder to meet people. It’s harder to connect. I’ve never been a sit  home and knit kind of girl, I’m social and add my best Dynamic, and at my worst, manic.

This shit’s hard and I feel so uninspired. I feel like my life is blowing past me while at the same time feeling that I blew through years of my life the wrong way, and all of this is much harder to say out loud than you think. Have any of ya’ll quit drinking and felt like that? Have any of ya’ll quit anything and felt like that? I think in our society, and intoxicants definitely serve a purpose. I just can’t the intoxicants that is alcohol, because we all have demons and the demons that come out when I’m drinking are nihilistic bastards.

That’s where I am right now. Also right now, I’m outside vaping. I bought a smök because I’m trying to quit smoking cigarettes. I still want that nicotine delivery system. I feel a little bit douchey using the device, so I named it  Rachel in hopes of avoiding ever having to use the words”vape stick” or God forbid,” vaporizer”.

I really been slacking off in the writing of anything lately, and I’m not particularly cohesive.

Myself and Alvin are moving within the week, and in between finalizing all of the packing and genuinely kind of loathing myself for being so boring, I’ll muster the focus to sit down and write something moderately enjoyable.

I’ll talk to you then, assuming that we’re all still here caught up in this plane of existence.

Ciao, fuckers


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